Keep your mind busy. OKAY, here we go.
What is your current state of mind?
Confusion, but in a twisted way- peaceful. Does that answer the question?
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Sitting outside... on a perfect 70 degree, no wind, fall day reading an amazing novel, listening to Frank Sinatra, waiting for that one special guy who is going to make all my childhood dreams come alive as we stroll the streets talking and sharing precious memories. Put that into a jar and that is what I find as true and perfect happiness.
What is your greatest fear?
Missed opportunities..... and water.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Historical? Hmm... can I go with Nietzsche? Does he make a historical impact?
Which living person do you most admire?
My Mother. I know, super cliche, but how can I honestly say anyone else? She is the most patient and loving person in this entire world and I am amazed that she created me... a super impatient little girl. I hope that one day I grow into the person she is.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Judgement and arrogance. It's true... and every day I serve I am reminded of why I need to fix that.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Ignorance. Despise!
What is it that you most dislike?
Strange question. What I dislike about what? Foods? People? Myself? Society? The list can go forever so I'm just going to simply put black olives.
What is your greatest extravagance?
My imagination. My mind.
What do you most value in your friends?
Understanding. Support even when I am making the wrong decisions.
What is your favorite journey?
Any that I take by myself, well with my ipod of course.
What is your most treasured possession?
A stuffed dog.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
... let me think about it and I will get back to ya.
On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm about to be caught in one. Haha, no- honestly, I hardly ever lie... the only time I do is when I think you can't handle the truth.
Which living person do you most despise?
Any rapist out there. You are all on my despise list.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My family. They've been there through the thick and thin... always loving!
When and where were you happiest?
I started to cry when I was in the Pantheon for the first time. I'm going to go with that.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My inability to just get up and go. Get out there. Figure it out and make a life worth remembering. I'm working on it!
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Going to Italy. Period.
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
Nothing. Who am I to change them. Stupid.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
A loss of a child.
What is your favorite occupation?
Student! haha. I hate school as much as I love it.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Gandalf the Grey... or White... doesn't really matter.
How would you like to die?
Mmm... surrounded by loved ones or doing something great/completely inappropriate. hehe.
What is your motto?
"The greatest thing you'll ever know, is just to love and be loved in return." Nat King Cole
and
"Amor Fati" Nietzsche
Wednesday, April 13
Sunday, April 10
Chh chh changing
I've noticed that I have been slacking a little in the area of keeping my blog alive. Therefore, here I am trying to scramble the past few weeks into a simple, yet constructive, blog. Please bare with my attempt!
I guess the most important events in my life lately have been dealing with my gradual growth and change. Most consider this a normal, day by day activity, but let me tell you something, I'm anything but normal. I usually despise change when I am forced to deal with it and I usually avoid it at all costs. I mean, seriously- I have used the same lotion since birth and if you don't believe me just ask my closest friends- I constantly smell of baby lotion! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to all changes and I even love some... especially if they are for the better-- I just often find myself stuck between what I had and what I now have, which makes for a series of strange events. I suppose that changes are inevitable, but for some reason this past month has been change after change after change.
I recently got into a car accident and ruined my first car, as well as, joined the "team rands" in ruining cars! YAY! Obviously, because of my lack of car my father and I spent hours trying to find a decent replacement....okay, he spent hours, but I declared yes or no! I had only one criteria... it be the same car I had. Most, I understand, would take this opportunity to find something new and different, but I just wanted my little white car back. Thankfully we found a little red car that pretty much looks the exact same, but was actually a steal! A little newer and a little nicer is always a good time! I'm enjoying the new car and even though I don't know every thing about her yet, I figure we have time!
New car leads to new hair, right? For the past... oh I dunno- since I was eighteen I have had practically the same hair style. Black, with emo side swoop bangs, and straight. My hair, I often say, is my safety blanket so for me to change it is a pretty different and big deal. It is the same color and even the same length but I have always wanted the bangs that Katy Perry has and practically every librarian in the country. Simple, yet modern. Completely nervous about the ordeal, I had a co-worker work his magic in my bathroom and I must say, I adore the change. However, every comment (other than my mother's) was, "it's different...." with an awkward pause and a slight smile. Thanks for telling me it looks like crap in the most sincere and nicest way possible. Haha. Just kidding. I think it will take some getting used to and my roommate, I know, will never like it- but it's there and I am gonna enjoy the changes. P.S. My mom was actually the first to say that she likes it... strange.... really strange....
New hair, new car, what else? Little things here and there and yes, I am completely overwhelmed. I usually take things a step at a time and for some reason, life isn't allowing that type of philosophy anywhere near by. I hope that life calms down a little bit because finals and my massive research papers are just around the corner. Did you hear me life? I am a little stressed, back off! No, I'm handling everything one day at a time and my free spirit is getting more and more practice. I plan to spend my free time this week sitting outside on the lawn reading my new book and listening to this song....
Other than that, and my slight failure at being a student at the moment, I really have nothing new happening to me. I hope this catches up those of you reading this blog and hopefully next time I will have something of more substance prepared! haha.
As I close this blog I do realize that my life is practically nothing compared to other's out there struggling to survive, so I must say... my life is simple in comparison and I am blessed that each day I can get up and do the things that I desire. I wouldn't be here without my family and friends and I sure as heck wouldn't be here without my stubborn personality. I am thankful that my life consists of getting new hair cuts and not searching for lost loved ones. To those I can do so little for, in my own sense, I am praying for you.
<3 Katy
I guess the most important events in my life lately have been dealing with my gradual growth and change. Most consider this a normal, day by day activity, but let me tell you something, I'm anything but normal. I usually despise change when I am forced to deal with it and I usually avoid it at all costs. I mean, seriously- I have used the same lotion since birth and if you don't believe me just ask my closest friends- I constantly smell of baby lotion! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to all changes and I even love some... especially if they are for the better-- I just often find myself stuck between what I had and what I now have, which makes for a series of strange events. I suppose that changes are inevitable, but for some reason this past month has been change after change after change.
I recently got into a car accident and ruined my first car, as well as, joined the "team rands" in ruining cars! YAY! Obviously, because of my lack of car my father and I spent hours trying to find a decent replacement....okay, he spent hours, but I declared yes or no! I had only one criteria... it be the same car I had. Most, I understand, would take this opportunity to find something new and different, but I just wanted my little white car back. Thankfully we found a little red car that pretty much looks the exact same, but was actually a steal! A little newer and a little nicer is always a good time! I'm enjoying the new car and even though I don't know every thing about her yet, I figure we have time!
New car leads to new hair, right? For the past... oh I dunno- since I was eighteen I have had practically the same hair style. Black, with emo side swoop bangs, and straight. My hair, I often say, is my safety blanket so for me to change it is a pretty different and big deal. It is the same color and even the same length but I have always wanted the bangs that Katy Perry has and practically every librarian in the country. Simple, yet modern. Completely nervous about the ordeal, I had a co-worker work his magic in my bathroom and I must say, I adore the change. However, every comment (other than my mother's) was, "it's different...." with an awkward pause and a slight smile. Thanks for telling me it looks like crap in the most sincere and nicest way possible. Haha. Just kidding. I think it will take some getting used to and my roommate, I know, will never like it- but it's there and I am gonna enjoy the changes. P.S. My mom was actually the first to say that she likes it... strange.... really strange....
New hair, new car, what else? Little things here and there and yes, I am completely overwhelmed. I usually take things a step at a time and for some reason, life isn't allowing that type of philosophy anywhere near by. I hope that life calms down a little bit because finals and my massive research papers are just around the corner. Did you hear me life? I am a little stressed, back off! No, I'm handling everything one day at a time and my free spirit is getting more and more practice. I plan to spend my free time this week sitting outside on the lawn reading my new book and listening to this song....
and maybe snacking on some chocolates. It's time for spring and even though I detest spring clothing, I am determined to enjoy the new summer sun. Bring it on, life, bring it on.
Other than that, and my slight failure at being a student at the moment, I really have nothing new happening to me. I hope this catches up those of you reading this blog and hopefully next time I will have something of more substance prepared! haha.
As I close this blog I do realize that my life is practically nothing compared to other's out there struggling to survive, so I must say... my life is simple in comparison and I am blessed that each day I can get up and do the things that I desire. I wouldn't be here without my family and friends and I sure as heck wouldn't be here without my stubborn personality. I am thankful that my life consists of getting new hair cuts and not searching for lost loved ones. To those I can do so little for, in my own sense, I am praying for you.
<3 Katy
Thursday, March 24
Waiting...
Waiting
A Poem by Faith Wilding
Waiting . . .
waiting . . .
waiting . . .
Waiting for someone to come in
Waiting for someone to hold me
Waiting for someone to feed me
Waiting for someone to change my diaper
Waiting . . .
Waiting to scrawl, to walk, waiting to talk
Waiting to be cuddled
Waiting for someone to take me outside
Waiting for someone to play with me
Waiting for someone to take me outside
Waiting for someone to read to me, dress me, tie my shoes
Waiting for Mommy to brush my hair
Waiting for her to curl my hair
Waiting to wear my frilly dress
Waiting to be a pretty girl
Waiting to grow up
Waiting . . .
Waiting for my breasts to develop
Waiting to wear a bra
Waiting to menstruate
Waiting to read forbidden books
Waiting to stop being clumsy
Waiting to have a good figure
Waiting for my first date
Waiting to have a boyfriend
Waiting to go to a party, to be asked to dance, to dance close
Waiting to be beautiful
Waiting for the secret
Waiting for life to begin
Waiting . . .
Waiting to be somebody
Waiting to wear makeup
Waiting for my pimples to go away
Waiting to wear lipstick, to wear high heels and stockings
Waiting to get dressed up, to shave my legs
Waiting to be pretty
Waiting . . .
Waiting for him to notice me, to call me
Waiting for him to ask me out
Waiting for him to pay attention to me
Waiting for him to fall in love with me
Waiting for him to kiss me, touch me, touch my breasts
Waiting for him to pass my house
Waiting for him to tell me I’m beautiful
Waiting for him to ask me to go steady
Waiting to neck, to make out, waiting to go all the way
Waiting to smoke, to drink, to stay out late
Waiting to be a woman
Waiting . . .
Waiting for my great love
Waiting for the perfect man
Waiting for Mr. Right
Waiting . . .
Waiting to get married
Waiting for my wedding day
Waiting for my wedding night
Waiting for sex
Waiting for him to make the first move
Waiting for him to excite me
Waiting for him to give me pleasure
Waiting for him to give me an orgasm
Waiting . . .
Waiting for him to come home, to fill my time
Waiting . . .
Waiting for my baby to come
Waiting for my belly to swell
Waiting for my breasts to fill with milk
Waiting to feel my baby move
Waiting for my legs to stop swelling
Waiting for the first contractions
Waiting for the contractions to end
Waiting for the head to emerge
Waiting for the first scream, the afterbirth
Waiting to hold my baby
Waiting for my baby to suck my milk
Waiting for my baby to stop crying
Waiting for my baby to sleep through the night
Waiting for my breasts to dry up
Waiting to get my figure back, for the stretch marks to go away
Waiting for some time to myself
Waiting to be beautiful again
Waiting for my child to go to school
Waiting for life to begin again
Waiting . . .
Waiting for my children to come home from school
Waiting for them to grow up, to leave home
Waiting to be myself
Waiting for excitement
Waiting for him to tell me something interesting, to ask me how I feel
Waiting for him to stop being crabby, reach for my hand, kiss me good morning
Waiting for fulfillment
Waiting for the children to marry
Waiting for something to happen
Waiting . . .
Waiting to lose weight
Waiting for the first gray hair
Waiting for menopause
Waiting to grow wise
Waiting . . .
Waiting for my body to break down, to get ugly
Waiting for my flesh to sag
Waiting for my breasts to shrivel up
Waiting for a visit from my children, for letters
Waiting for my friends to die
Waiting for my husband to die
Waiting . . .
Waiting to get sick
Waiting for things to get better
Waiting for winter to end
Waiting for the mirror to tell me that I’m old
Waiting for a good bowel movement
Waiting for the pain to go away
Waiting for the struggle to end
Waiting for release
Waiting for morning
Waiting for the end of the day
Waiting for sleep
Waiting . . .
Seems like all I do is wait, but when those brief moments of wanting nothing more than to stay- I blush and feel a calm that is addicting. I love those moments, but being one of the most impatient people in this world... I hate waiting for them. However, what makes something more beautiful than waiting for it to happen again?
<3
Katy
Sunday, March 20
Spring Break!
It's the last day of my spring break and as I take a look at my past week I giggle to myself. What do I have to show for this past week? Absolutely nothing! Each day consisted of waking up past eleven, a great accomplishment really, working at either four or five and watching college basketball. I wouldn't say that I am lame, but I would definitely say that I have caught up on sleep and relaxing that I have been missing out on for the last few months. It felt good to finally put my feet up and not worry about anything other than what I was going to have for lunch and being somewhat busy at work made it so that I didn't feel like I was a complete potato! However, the fun will soon end for this next week is going to be interesting.
Since I got in a car accident the day of my midterm I now have to restudy and take that test on Tuesday, I am still a little behind in my Sartre class and does anyone really know what is going on in my Basque class? I didn't think so. Anyway, it is time to get back to the books and see what is in store for the rest of the semester... but hey, I have at least seven hours before I have to fall into bed so how shall I fulfill these final moments??? House marathon? Watching Texas play against Arizona?? Or maybe sneak a bite of the pork my mom is cooking for Sunday dinner?? My life is easy, it is simple, and I'm excited to say that I am enjoying that to the fullest!
And on that note, typing is becoming too strenuous and I am off to enjoy the last few moments of my spring break! I hope you all are doing the same!
<3
That one girl that used to go out and now is a grandma!
Since I got in a car accident the day of my midterm I now have to restudy and take that test on Tuesday, I am still a little behind in my Sartre class and does anyone really know what is going on in my Basque class? I didn't think so. Anyway, it is time to get back to the books and see what is in store for the rest of the semester... but hey, I have at least seven hours before I have to fall into bed so how shall I fulfill these final moments??? House marathon? Watching Texas play against Arizona?? Or maybe sneak a bite of the pork my mom is cooking for Sunday dinner?? My life is easy, it is simple, and I'm excited to say that I am enjoying that to the fullest!
And on that note, typing is becoming too strenuous and I am off to enjoy the last few moments of my spring break! I hope you all are doing the same!
<3
That one girl that used to go out and now is a grandma!
Sunday, March 13
Vegas, Car Crashes, and DJ Gay.
Cheers, beers, and tears...
All of a sudden we've found ourselves being surrounded by the "enemy". Continually circling around us, we had no where to hide. What once was filled with high fives and fist bumps was now filled with glares and cold shoulders. It was on, and the enemy was ready... but really how could we call our friends that? Sitting next to each other the entire time and being taught traditions: holding a finger up, learning to chant, "I believe, I believe, I believe we'll win", as well as the fight song "AZTECS FIGHT"... yeah- it might have not been the best decision to put four BYU "Jimmer" fans next to fifteen die-heart SDSU "Gay" fans!
This last weekend my family and I found ourselves within the mass blue and red sea of people as we all cheered on our favorite teams. As I've said before, I have never really been a basketball fan, but this weekend has been a different story. Basketball filled our entire time on our trip to Vegas and besides eating and doing a little shopping, it's all we did! Even though BYU didn't win the last game, they did an awesome job keeping us all entertained! Plus, it doesn't really matter because SDSU and BYU are both in the upcoming tournament! Woo hoo! However, that's not all that happened this weekend...
Even though I found myself being pushed left and right as each of us cheered the Cougs and Aztecs on, I was also pushed and shoved in two... yes two not one... car accidents. =[ My baby, my love, and a piece of me died right before boarding my plane to Vegas.
If you know me at all, you know that my car is far more than just my car. This piece of love has been in my life for the last 8 or so years and is a HUGE part of my past. Just thinking about it the other day, I don't have one good friend that doesn't have a picture in or beside that car. I don't have one friend that doesn't have a memory that happened in that car. Whether it was the fun times we had driving up to Tahoe, or the times we sang our hearts out, the high school trips and ditching free periods, the drives from Idaho to Salt Lake, or maybe even the romantic question of will you be mine? It doesn't matter because I expected that car to be in my life for longer than this... and yes, I understand that most would be ecstatic of the idea of getting a new car, but I would rather get a bike, or heck, I would rather walk. I'm naturally inclined to hate change, I don't want a new car... I don't want to say goodbye, but I guess a change might be good? Right? bleh...
However, the story doesn't stop there. While enjoying our selves in Vegas- we found ourselves sandwiched between two cars on the freeway leading out to Henderson. Again, all is okay and no one was hurt... besides my left shoulder that got a little more bruised, but it just confirmed my bike purchase even more. I'm cursed I tell ya, and I don't want to be behind the wheel or in the back seat of a car anymore! Bike fund, here we come! haha.
Other than that, this week consists of my spring break and I know exactly how I am going to celebrate- sleeping in, eating a lot of chocolate and ice cream, and watching movies! Watch out spring break, because here I come!
<3
Katy
All of a sudden we've found ourselves being surrounded by the "enemy". Continually circling around us, we had no where to hide. What once was filled with high fives and fist bumps was now filled with glares and cold shoulders. It was on, and the enemy was ready... but really how could we call our friends that? Sitting next to each other the entire time and being taught traditions: holding a finger up, learning to chant, "I believe, I believe, I believe we'll win", as well as the fight song "AZTECS FIGHT"... yeah- it might have not been the best decision to put four BYU "Jimmer" fans next to fifteen die-heart SDSU "Gay" fans!
This last weekend my family and I found ourselves within the mass blue and red sea of people as we all cheered on our favorite teams. As I've said before, I have never really been a basketball fan, but this weekend has been a different story. Basketball filled our entire time on our trip to Vegas and besides eating and doing a little shopping, it's all we did! Even though BYU didn't win the last game, they did an awesome job keeping us all entertained! Plus, it doesn't really matter because SDSU and BYU are both in the upcoming tournament! Woo hoo! However, that's not all that happened this weekend...
Even though I found myself being pushed left and right as each of us cheered the Cougs and Aztecs on, I was also pushed and shoved in two... yes two not one... car accidents. =[ My baby, my love, and a piece of me died right before boarding my plane to Vegas.
If you know me at all, you know that my car is far more than just my car. This piece of love has been in my life for the last 8 or so years and is a HUGE part of my past. Just thinking about it the other day, I don't have one good friend that doesn't have a picture in or beside that car. I don't have one friend that doesn't have a memory that happened in that car. Whether it was the fun times we had driving up to Tahoe, or the times we sang our hearts out, the high school trips and ditching free periods, the drives from Idaho to Salt Lake, or maybe even the romantic question of will you be mine? It doesn't matter because I expected that car to be in my life for longer than this... and yes, I understand that most would be ecstatic of the idea of getting a new car, but I would rather get a bike, or heck, I would rather walk. I'm naturally inclined to hate change, I don't want a new car... I don't want to say goodbye, but I guess a change might be good? Right? bleh...
However, the story doesn't stop there. While enjoying our selves in Vegas- we found ourselves sandwiched between two cars on the freeway leading out to Henderson. Again, all is okay and no one was hurt... besides my left shoulder that got a little more bruised, but it just confirmed my bike purchase even more. I'm cursed I tell ya, and I don't want to be behind the wheel or in the back seat of a car anymore! Bike fund, here we come! haha.
Other than that, this week consists of my spring break and I know exactly how I am going to celebrate- sleeping in, eating a lot of chocolate and ice cream, and watching movies! Watch out spring break, because here I come!
<3
Katy
Tuesday, March 8
Amor Fati
For some time in my life I have lived by Nietzsche's simple Latin words, Amor Fati. Love your fate, embrace your fate, understand your fate, adore your fate...
What if you feel that your fate should be different...
Just shrug your shoulders and call me the hopeless romantic... in my bad faith I am who I am. I just want that feeling again. ugh.
<3
Katy
Friday, March 4
[...]
Not sure what's causing this funk... maybe it's just a mixture of aspects that present themsevles in my life... maybe not???...either way... let's just leave it at that... here are my deep felt dots and a good song to enjoy. Thanks for understanding.
.....
Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams,
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams,
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind,
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me,
It's getting dark darling, too dark to see,
And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems.
Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown,
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown,
And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest.
But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me,
Look over your hills and be still,
The sky above us shoots to kill,
Rain down, rain down on me.
But I will hold on
I will hold on hope
I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones,
Let the dead bury their dead, they will come out in droves,
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes, you've made.
But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me.
<3
Katy
.....
Spare me your judgements and spare me your dreams,
Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams,
I sit alone in this winter clarity which clouds my mind,
Alone in the wind and the rain you left me,
It's getting dark darling, too dark to see,
And I'm on my knees, and your faith in shreds, it seems.
Corrupted by the simple sniff of riches blown,
I know you have felt much more love than you've shown,
And I'm on my knees and the water creeps to my chest.
But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me,
Look over your hills and be still,
The sky above us shoots to kill,
Rain down, rain down on me.
But I will hold on
I will hold on hope
I begged you to hear me, there's more than flesh and bones,
Let the dead bury their dead, they will come out in droves,
But take the spade from my hands and fill in the holes, you've made.
But plant your hope with good seeds,
Don't cover yourself with thistle and weeds,
Rain down, rain down on me.
<3
Katy
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