Sunday, February 27
Saturday, February 26
Bad Faith
This past week I was required to write a paper on Sartre and his view of bad faith. Even though I feel as if I didn't give the paper everything it deserved, I did finish it on time! Here is a passage from Being and Nothingness, my bible for the semester, that I can't get enough of! I hope y'all enjoy it as much as I did... if not... more evidence on how strange I am!
TAKE THE EXAMPLE OF A WOMAN who has consented to go out with a particular man for the first time. She knows very well the intentions which the man who is speaking to her cherishes regarding her. She knows also that it will be necessary sooner or later for her to make a decision. But she does not want to realize the urgency; she concerns herself only with what is respectful and discreet in the attitude of her companion. She does not apprehend this conduct as an attempt to achieve what we call "the first approach"; that is, she does not want to see possibilities of temporal development which his conduct presents. She restricts this behavior to what is in the present; she does not wish to read in the phrases which he addresses to her anything other than their explicit meaning. If he says to her, "I find you so attractive!" she disarms this phrase of its sexual background; she attaches to the conversation and to the behavior of the speaker, the immediate meanings, which she imagines as objective qualities. The man who is speaking to her appears to her sincere and respectful as the table is round or square, as the wall coloring is blue or gray. The qualities thus attached to the person she is listening to are in this way fixed in a permanence like that of things, which is no other than the projection of the strict present of the qualities into the temporal flux. This is because she does not quite know what she wants. She is profoundly aware of the desire which she inspires, but the desire cruel and naked would humiliate and horrify her. Yet she would find no charm in a respect which would be only respect. In order to satisfy her, there must be a feeling which is addressed wholly to her personality--I. e, to her full freedom--and which would be a recognition of her freedom. But at the same time this feeling must be wholly desire; that is, it must address itself to her body as object. This time then she refuses to apprehend the desire for what it is; she does no even give it a name; she recognizes it only to the extent that it transcends itself toward admiration, esteem, respect and that it is wholly absorbed in the more refined forms which it produces, to the extent of no longer figuring any more as a sort of warmth and density. But then suppose he takes her hand. This act of her companion risks changing the situation by calling for an immediate decision. To leave the hand there is to consent in herself to flirt, to engage herself. To withdraw it is to break the troubled and unstable harmony which gives the hour its charm. The aim is to postpone the moment of decision as long as possible. We know what happens next: the young woman leaves her hand there, but she does not notice that she is leaving it. She does not notice because it happens by chance that she is at this moment all intellect. She draws her companion up to the most lofty regions of sentimental speculation; she speaks of Life, of her life, she shows herself in her essential aspect--a personality, a consciousness. And during this time the divorce of the body from the soul is accomplished; the hand rests inert between the warm hands of her companion--neither consenting nor resisting--a thing
We shall say that this woman is in bad faith. But we see immediately that she uses various procedures in order to maintain herself in this bad faith. She has disarmed the actions of her companion by reducing them to being only what they are; that is, to existing in the mode of the in-itself. But she permits herself to enjoy his desire, to the extent that she will apprehend it as not being what it is, will recognize its transcendence. Finally while sensing profoundly the presence of her own body--to the point of being aroused, perhaps--she realizes herself as not being her own body, and she contemplates it as though from above as a passive object to which events can happen but which can neither provoke them nor avoid them because all its possibilities are outside of it. What unity do we find in these various aspects of bad faith? It is a certain art of forming contradictory concepts which unite in themselves both an idea and the negation of that idea. The basic concept which is thus engendered utilizes the double property of the human being, who is at once a facticity and a transcendence. These two aspects of human reality are and ought to be capable of a valid coordination. But bad faith does not wish either to coordinate them or to surmount them in a synthesis. Bad faith seeks to affirm their identity while preserving their differences. It must affirm facticity as being transcendence and transcendence as being facticity, in such a way that at the instant when a person apprehends the one, he can find himself abruptly faced with the other. . . .
Dear lord Sartre, just go ahead and hit it on the nose.
Anyway, wish me luck that the paper isn't as awful as I think it was.
<3
Katy
TAKE THE EXAMPLE OF A WOMAN who has consented to go out with a particular man for the first time. She knows very well the intentions which the man who is speaking to her cherishes regarding her. She knows also that it will be necessary sooner or later for her to make a decision. But she does not want to realize the urgency; she concerns herself only with what is respectful and discreet in the attitude of her companion. She does not apprehend this conduct as an attempt to achieve what we call "the first approach"; that is, she does not want to see possibilities of temporal development which his conduct presents. She restricts this behavior to what is in the present; she does not wish to read in the phrases which he addresses to her anything other than their explicit meaning. If he says to her, "I find you so attractive!" she disarms this phrase of its sexual background; she attaches to the conversation and to the behavior of the speaker, the immediate meanings, which she imagines as objective qualities. The man who is speaking to her appears to her sincere and respectful as the table is round or square, as the wall coloring is blue or gray. The qualities thus attached to the person she is listening to are in this way fixed in a permanence like that of things, which is no other than the projection of the strict present of the qualities into the temporal flux. This is because she does not quite know what she wants. She is profoundly aware of the desire which she inspires, but the desire cruel and naked would humiliate and horrify her. Yet she would find no charm in a respect which would be only respect. In order to satisfy her, there must be a feeling which is addressed wholly to her personality--I. e, to her full freedom--and which would be a recognition of her freedom. But at the same time this feeling must be wholly desire; that is, it must address itself to her body as object. This time then she refuses to apprehend the desire for what it is; she does no even give it a name; she recognizes it only to the extent that it transcends itself toward admiration, esteem, respect and that it is wholly absorbed in the more refined forms which it produces, to the extent of no longer figuring any more as a sort of warmth and density. But then suppose he takes her hand. This act of her companion risks changing the situation by calling for an immediate decision. To leave the hand there is to consent in herself to flirt, to engage herself. To withdraw it is to break the troubled and unstable harmony which gives the hour its charm. The aim is to postpone the moment of decision as long as possible. We know what happens next: the young woman leaves her hand there, but she does not notice that she is leaving it. She does not notice because it happens by chance that she is at this moment all intellect. She draws her companion up to the most lofty regions of sentimental speculation; she speaks of Life, of her life, she shows herself in her essential aspect--a personality, a consciousness. And during this time the divorce of the body from the soul is accomplished; the hand rests inert between the warm hands of her companion--neither consenting nor resisting--a thing
We shall say that this woman is in bad faith. But we see immediately that she uses various procedures in order to maintain herself in this bad faith. She has disarmed the actions of her companion by reducing them to being only what they are; that is, to existing in the mode of the in-itself. But she permits herself to enjoy his desire, to the extent that she will apprehend it as not being what it is, will recognize its transcendence. Finally while sensing profoundly the presence of her own body--to the point of being aroused, perhaps--she realizes herself as not being her own body, and she contemplates it as though from above as a passive object to which events can happen but which can neither provoke them nor avoid them because all its possibilities are outside of it. What unity do we find in these various aspects of bad faith? It is a certain art of forming contradictory concepts which unite in themselves both an idea and the negation of that idea. The basic concept which is thus engendered utilizes the double property of the human being, who is at once a facticity and a transcendence. These two aspects of human reality are and ought to be capable of a valid coordination. But bad faith does not wish either to coordinate them or to surmount them in a synthesis. Bad faith seeks to affirm their identity while preserving their differences. It must affirm facticity as being transcendence and transcendence as being facticity, in such a way that at the instant when a person apprehends the one, he can find himself abruptly faced with the other. . . .
Dear lord Sartre, just go ahead and hit it on the nose.
Anyway, wish me luck that the paper isn't as awful as I think it was.
<3
Katy
Monday, February 21
Can't Get Enough...
Of this song...
Katy Perry's
Not Like the Movies
He put it on me, I put it on,
Like there was nothing wrong.
It didn't fit,
It wasn't right.
Wasn't just the size.
They say you know,
When you know.
I don't know.
I didn't feel
The fairytale feeling, no.
Am I a stupid girl
For even dreaming that I could.
If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be, yeah.
When he's the one,
I'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning
And that's just the beginning, yeah.
Snow white said when I was young,
"One day my prince will come."
So I wait for that date.
They say its hard to meet your match,
Find my better half.
So we make perfect shapes.
If stars don't align,
If it doesn't stop time,
If you cant see the sign,
Wait for it.
One hundred percent,
With every penny spent.
He'll be the one that,
Finishes your sentences.
If it's not like the movies,
Thats how it should be.
When he's the one,
He'll come undone,
And my world will stop spinning,
And thats just the beginning.
'Cause I know you're out there,
And your, your love came for me.
It's a crazy idea that you were made,
Perfectly for me you'll see.
Just like the movies.
That's how it will be.
Cinematic and dramatic with the perfect ending.
It's not like the movies,
But that's how it will be.
When he's the one,
You'll come undone,
And your world will stop spinning,
And it's just the beginning.
<3 Katy "not" Perry
Saturday, February 19
Let It SNOW!
While I am slipping and sliding on my way to and from work, school, and hanging out with friends I can't help but be grateful for this lovely bunch of fluffy, marshmellowy, snow! I understand that everyone else around me is dying for summer to come, but I am in desperate need of some good ol' fashion winter. This is the first "real" snow fall I've seen this season and I couldn't be more excited. I couldn't ask for more, seriously! With hot chocolate in hand, and a Jodi custom-made Domino's pizza on its way- yes I plan to eat the entire medium pizza by myself- and nothing too interesting to talk about... I start my winter wonderland post!
Everything in WhoVille is just right and dandy. As the snowflakes fall into my world I can't help but find a little excitement once again. I'm making changes left and right and even though some are better than others I know I am going in the right direction. Putting everything into their places and treating each day like its an adventure has caused me to love and enjoy moments I thought I never would. Even though more than most of my days are spent being lazy, working, or attending school, I am finding myself in strange situations that are often times pleasant rather than not! Alright enough with the vague happiness...
Something sweet that happened this week, I got to see my dearest Angie darling! Angie is one of my most beloved friends from high school past, and is now living her life in... The Netherlands??? Just kidding- Denmark. She was just one of the few people that inspired me to travel abroad and honestly, just being able to talk to someone that has done that as well is refreshing and comforting. It is simply beautiful when someone understands what frustrations you have within yourself and others around you and I'm pretty sure I am saving every last penny to hopefully see her this summer! Maybe I should create a fund... wanna donate?
Other than that, there isn't much news to report. It is my favorite man's birthday this week and even though I can't dress up like a pirate (or walk the plank) with him, he is still one of the most dearest things to my heart. I love you Elvis and I hope you have fun with Shirt and Grandpa!
Here is the man of my life... in appropriate blog theme too!!
<3
Katy
Everything in WhoVille is just right and dandy. As the snowflakes fall into my world I can't help but find a little excitement once again. I'm making changes left and right and even though some are better than others I know I am going in the right direction. Putting everything into their places and treating each day like its an adventure has caused me to love and enjoy moments I thought I never would. Even though more than most of my days are spent being lazy, working, or attending school, I am finding myself in strange situations that are often times pleasant rather than not! Alright enough with the vague happiness...
Something sweet that happened this week, I got to see my dearest Angie darling! Angie is one of my most beloved friends from high school past, and is now living her life in... The Netherlands??? Just kidding- Denmark. She was just one of the few people that inspired me to travel abroad and honestly, just being able to talk to someone that has done that as well is refreshing and comforting. It is simply beautiful when someone understands what frustrations you have within yourself and others around you and I'm pretty sure I am saving every last penny to hopefully see her this summer! Maybe I should create a fund... wanna donate?
Other than that, there isn't much news to report. It is my favorite man's birthday this week and even though I can't dress up like a pirate (or walk the plank) with him, he is still one of the most dearest things to my heart. I love you Elvis and I hope you have fun with Shirt and Grandpa!
Here is the man of my life... in appropriate blog theme too!!
<3
Katy
Friday, February 11
Valentines Day
If you know me at all, you know that I am one of the biggest hopeless romantic, love bugs, out there. I get giddy when I see the two main characters of a movie kiss, I squeak when I see someone get sent flowers, and I giggle when a couple is reunited at the airport. I admit it, I'm a love lover and I think this will always be a part of my charm. Therefore, Valentines Day is always one of my favorite days because most (not all!) of everyone is on my side... at least for one day!
Now, if you know me a little better I think you will understand why I am shaking in my boots about this particular V Day. Leaving the details aside, let's just say that this day won't be my favorite day of this year.. which is okay! Why might it be okay, you ask? Because I, yes I, have a plan!
The day will go as follows:
1. wake up with just enough time to get my hair straight and off to school.
2. stay at school until about three thirty.
3. rush directly to work by four thirty.
4. work cocktail (hey, wanna spend some quality time with me... come join!! 2 dollar beers!)
5. hopefully close.
6. if off early enough-
a. get a huge, may I say it again, HUGE, thing of U-swirl.
6. if not-
a. get a huge, HUGE, thing of Ben and Jerry's at Walmart.
7. Eat U-swirl/Ben and Jerry's until I throw up. Then maybe go get more.
8. If still time, watch a movie.. something sappy and sad.
9. Go to bed
So, there we have it. Yes, I may just need one year of "not so happy about Valentines Day", but no worries- I'll be back soon! Things are going smoothly. Things are going well, and that is all I can expect for right now.
And in case something comes up, I have made a playlist of all the songs that make me instantly happy/giddy to keep me company throughout my day! (no judging or laughing, okay- maybe you can laugh!!)
1. All I Want to Do - Sugarland
2.(Baby I Love Your Way (Live) - Peter Frampton (Live version please!)
3. Back Here - BBMak
4. Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
5. Beach Side Property - Modest Mouse
6. Black or White (Single Version) - Michael Jackson
7. Elevator Love Song - Stars
8. Everything Zen - Bush
9. Falling For The First Time - Barenaked Ladies
10. Jessie - Joshua Kadison
11. Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
12. Kate - Ben Folds Five
13. Kill You - Eminem
14. Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' - Journey
15. Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffett
16. One (Blake’s Got a New Face) - Vampire Weekend
17. Rose Tint My World - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
18. The Seed (2.0) - The Roots & Cody Chestnutt
19. Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake
20. Side to Side (Featuring Lateef and Pigeon John) - Blackalicious
21. Sideways - Santana Feat. Citizen Cope
22. Sunshine of Your Love - Cream
23. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
24. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
25. Voodoo - Godsmack
26. You Only Live Once - The Strokes
27. Your Man - Josh Turner
28. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
29. 1st Period: The Queen And I Gym Class Heroes
I figured I should stop here! Anyway, if you need some company come see me at work, I could really use it! Love to those that I love, and love to those that I will always love.
Still holding on,
Katy
Now, if you know me a little better I think you will understand why I am shaking in my boots about this particular V Day. Leaving the details aside, let's just say that this day won't be my favorite day of this year.. which is okay! Why might it be okay, you ask? Because I, yes I, have a plan!
The day will go as follows:
1. wake up with just enough time to get my hair straight and off to school.
2. stay at school until about three thirty.
3. rush directly to work by four thirty.
4. work cocktail (hey, wanna spend some quality time with me... come join!! 2 dollar beers!)
5. hopefully close.
6. if off early enough-
a. get a huge, may I say it again, HUGE, thing of U-swirl.
6. if not-
a. get a huge, HUGE, thing of Ben and Jerry's at Walmart.
7. Eat U-swirl/Ben and Jerry's until I throw up. Then maybe go get more.
8. If still time, watch a movie.. something sappy and sad.
9. Go to bed
So, there we have it. Yes, I may just need one year of "not so happy about Valentines Day", but no worries- I'll be back soon! Things are going smoothly. Things are going well, and that is all I can expect for right now.
And in case something comes up, I have made a playlist of all the songs that make me instantly happy/giddy to keep me company throughout my day! (no judging or laughing, okay- maybe you can laugh!!)
1. All I Want to Do - Sugarland
2.(Baby I Love Your Way (Live) - Peter Frampton (Live version please!)
3. Back Here - BBMak
4. Banana Pancakes - Jack Johnson
5. Beach Side Property - Modest Mouse
6. Black or White (Single Version) - Michael Jackson
7. Elevator Love Song - Stars
8. Everything Zen - Bush
9. Falling For The First Time - Barenaked Ladies
10. Jessie - Joshua Kadison
11. Just the Way You Are - Bruno Mars
12. Kate - Ben Folds Five
13. Kill You - Eminem
14. Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' - Journey
15. Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffett
16. One (Blake’s Got a New Face) - Vampire Weekend
17. Rose Tint My World - The Rocky Horror Picture Show
18. The Seed (2.0) - The Roots & Cody Chestnutt
19. Short Skirt/Long Jacket - Cake
20. Side to Side (Featuring Lateef and Pigeon John) - Blackalicious
21. Sideways - Santana Feat. Citizen Cope
22. Sunshine of Your Love - Cream
23. Sweet Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses
24. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry
25. Voodoo - Godsmack
26. You Only Live Once - The Strokes
27. Your Man - Josh Turner
28. 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins
29. 1st Period: The Queen And I Gym Class Heroes
I figured I should stop here! Anyway, if you need some company come see me at work, I could really use it! Love to those that I love, and love to those that I will always love.
Still holding on,
Katy
Friday, February 4
Family Time and Three In the Morning.
This past week has gone by super slow. I'm not sure if this is because it's a tad bit slow at work, or if I really have just become that lame. Probably a little bit of both, eh? However, it's always nice to have family come into town, keep you entertained, and eat at your place of work. Yeah, yeah, it's nice to see the sisters, but the real prize and gold is having your two year old (ADORABLE) niece help you wait tables. Fifteen dollar tip? I think so! Anyway, the family arrived and even though I only got to see them once in awhile, it was fun trying to get everyone to smile at the camera when picture day/MCY D's Birthday day came around. They came, they saw, they destroyed. I've always enjoyed being Auntie Katy, mostly because I can wind each kid up right before I say goodnight and while they are running around and keeping everyone else awake, I am sleeping silently in my bedroom a good few miles away.
Speaking of sleeping, I haven't done much of it. Yes, my roommates have seen me go to bed before them almost every night this week, but when it comes to STAYING asleep, that's when the fun comes. For some reason, me and three o'clock in the morning do not get along. As the clock ticks, my eternal clock goes off and around three I am wide awake and ready for a day that is still hours away. I blamed this on time change for awhile, but now that just seems silly. Maybe I have gotten so used to coming home around three that three is now the time that I have to be awake enough to actually get home? Yeah... sounds even more silly. I don't know, but this much I do know- I'm not a fan. Maybe I will start running at three in the morning?? Or maybe I can pick up a hobby that can only be done at three in the morning. Any suggestions?
Other than that, my life is pretty boring. I'm eliminating the bad things, yes this includes soda, and trying my hardest to find enough reasons to get up in the morning to drag myself to class. This all gets easier, right? Here is to hoping.
<3
Katy
Speaking of sleeping, I haven't done much of it. Yes, my roommates have seen me go to bed before them almost every night this week, but when it comes to STAYING asleep, that's when the fun comes. For some reason, me and three o'clock in the morning do not get along. As the clock ticks, my eternal clock goes off and around three I am wide awake and ready for a day that is still hours away. I blamed this on time change for awhile, but now that just seems silly. Maybe I have gotten so used to coming home around three that three is now the time that I have to be awake enough to actually get home? Yeah... sounds even more silly. I don't know, but this much I do know- I'm not a fan. Maybe I will start running at three in the morning?? Or maybe I can pick up a hobby that can only be done at three in the morning. Any suggestions?
Other than that, my life is pretty boring. I'm eliminating the bad things, yes this includes soda, and trying my hardest to find enough reasons to get up in the morning to drag myself to class. This all gets easier, right? Here is to hoping.
<3
Katy
Tuesday, February 1
Hot Tamales to Sour Gummy Worms
I'm not sure how to start this post, but I know it is necessary.
As you can tell, I jumped right back into the present and stopped catching up this blog with what happened in Italy. Mostly I decided this because I already have a decent journal that describes my travels and the fact of the matter is- I need to move forward (plus I know how annoying it can be to have someone around that is living in the past). Being back in Reno has been one of the hardest, yet one of the best experiences of my life. I left Reno with expectation and plans of what I was to do when I returned from my life changing trip, but throughout my trip certain occurrences presented themselves and plans changed... which they always do (I remember one day in Kindergarten I wanted to be a paper girl when I grew up... yeah- I always set my standards high!) Therefore, coming home with a completely open agenda I found myself grabbing at as many comforts as I could. Friends, family, and my old job came to the rescue and in a way- I could never thank them enough, but the first night of the year I knew I was in trouble. How was I going to find my place in a place that I have left for four months? How was I going to find my place in a place that I never really had a place within to begin with? Oh dear.
This past few weeks I have made some of my best decisions that have been followed by some of my worst. However, there are two people out there that I care about more than anything and at this time, neither are too happy with me. I'm not sure what I can say to these two individuals and I know for a fact I can't make this all better. The only thing that can cure this is time, and the efforts that I need to put forth. There are a few things that I want in this world more than anything and the way that I have been acting and treating myself and others is not on the path that will eventually lead to these things. Therefore, a drastic change is in store. I'm done with the bad decisions and the hard headedness that seems to be controlling my life. I am moving forward from the things that are holding me back in this life and hopefully this will not only mend my own life, but my relationship with those two individuals. So, if you are reading this, this is my formal apology and my promise of making things better and treating you two with more respect and love. I love you both so dearly and I appreciate all the kindness and harsh advice that you have given me. Even though I have to find my own path and create something for my own life- I hope the two of you can stand by me... if not now then maybe in the future. You don't deserve this and I can see that now more than ever.
With this said, a life changing event will be followed by a life changing event. Going to Italy was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it compares nothing to being back. Here is to new changes. Here is to happiness. And here is to leaving Italy behind and creating a future that is bright, healthy, and happy.
To you.
Katy
As you can tell, I jumped right back into the present and stopped catching up this blog with what happened in Italy. Mostly I decided this because I already have a decent journal that describes my travels and the fact of the matter is- I need to move forward (plus I know how annoying it can be to have someone around that is living in the past). Being back in Reno has been one of the hardest, yet one of the best experiences of my life. I left Reno with expectation and plans of what I was to do when I returned from my life changing trip, but throughout my trip certain occurrences presented themselves and plans changed... which they always do (I remember one day in Kindergarten I wanted to be a paper girl when I grew up... yeah- I always set my standards high!) Therefore, coming home with a completely open agenda I found myself grabbing at as many comforts as I could. Friends, family, and my old job came to the rescue and in a way- I could never thank them enough, but the first night of the year I knew I was in trouble. How was I going to find my place in a place that I have left for four months? How was I going to find my place in a place that I never really had a place within to begin with? Oh dear.
This past few weeks I have made some of my best decisions that have been followed by some of my worst. However, there are two people out there that I care about more than anything and at this time, neither are too happy with me. I'm not sure what I can say to these two individuals and I know for a fact I can't make this all better. The only thing that can cure this is time, and the efforts that I need to put forth. There are a few things that I want in this world more than anything and the way that I have been acting and treating myself and others is not on the path that will eventually lead to these things. Therefore, a drastic change is in store. I'm done with the bad decisions and the hard headedness that seems to be controlling my life. I am moving forward from the things that are holding me back in this life and hopefully this will not only mend my own life, but my relationship with those two individuals. So, if you are reading this, this is my formal apology and my promise of making things better and treating you two with more respect and love. I love you both so dearly and I appreciate all the kindness and harsh advice that you have given me. Even though I have to find my own path and create something for my own life- I hope the two of you can stand by me... if not now then maybe in the future. You don't deserve this and I can see that now more than ever.
With this said, a life changing event will be followed by a life changing event. Going to Italy was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it compares nothing to being back. Here is to new changes. Here is to happiness. And here is to leaving Italy behind and creating a future that is bright, healthy, and happy.
To you.
Katy
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