I'm not sure how to start this post, but I know it is necessary.
As you can tell, I jumped right back into the present and stopped catching up this blog with what happened in Italy. Mostly I decided this because I already have a decent journal that describes my travels and the fact of the matter is- I need to move forward (plus I know how annoying it can be to have someone around that is living in the past). Being back in Reno has been one of the hardest, yet one of the best experiences of my life. I left Reno with expectation and plans of what I was to do when I returned from my life changing trip, but throughout my trip certain occurrences presented themselves and plans changed... which they always do (I remember one day in Kindergarten I wanted to be a paper girl when I grew up... yeah- I always set my standards high!) Therefore, coming home with a completely open agenda I found myself grabbing at as many comforts as I could. Friends, family, and my old job came to the rescue and in a way- I could never thank them enough, but the first night of the year I knew I was in trouble. How was I going to find my place in a place that I have left for four months? How was I going to find my place in a place that I never really had a place within to begin with? Oh dear.
This past few weeks I have made some of my best decisions that have been followed by some of my worst. However, there are two people out there that I care about more than anything and at this time, neither are too happy with me. I'm not sure what I can say to these two individuals and I know for a fact I can't make this all better. The only thing that can cure this is time, and the efforts that I need to put forth. There are a few things that I want in this world more than anything and the way that I have been acting and treating myself and others is not on the path that will eventually lead to these things. Therefore, a drastic change is in store. I'm done with the bad decisions and the hard headedness that seems to be controlling my life. I am moving forward from the things that are holding me back in this life and hopefully this will not only mend my own life, but my relationship with those two individuals. So, if you are reading this, this is my formal apology and my promise of making things better and treating you two with more respect and love. I love you both so dearly and I appreciate all the kindness and harsh advice that you have given me. Even though I have to find my own path and create something for my own life- I hope the two of you can stand by me... if not now then maybe in the future. You don't deserve this and I can see that now more than ever.
With this said, a life changing event will be followed by a life changing event. Going to Italy was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it compares nothing to being back. Here is to new changes. Here is to happiness. And here is to leaving Italy behind and creating a future that is bright, healthy, and happy.
To you.
Katy
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